Husbands all across the world in all kinds of marriages have something in common: they want to get lucky with their wives more often. Well husbands, as a wife and marriage therapist, I am here to offer you a few pieces of advice for you to consider on your journey to getting laid. Please note, these strategies are highly effective but if, and only if, you actually apply them. Now, you know your wife better than I do, so take each tidbit of wisdom and tailor it to your specific woman.
Lay it on thick
Maybe you were hoping I had a number one tip that would get your hunnie’s blood pumping, but that’s just not realistic. If you want to cultivate a spicy sex life, it’ll take a lot of effort on your behalf and more than anything, consistency. Anyone can keep up the momentum for a few days. But you’re not looking to join a sprint, you want to sign up for a marathon. That being said, while you should layer your strategies, you should likewise spread them out over time. If suddenly one day you’re checking off each and every one of these tips all at once she’s going to know something’s up. So, be sly in your intentionality. More than just getting laid, you want her to realize you’re exerting the effort because you love her and she deserves it. That alone will score you some major brownie points.
Get it on in and out of the bedroom
True, having sex outside the bedroom can provide a novelty to the experience that ups the ante in the excitement department, but that’s not the only thing I mean. You’ll want to implement the techniques suggested here in the bedroom, but don’t let your eagerness get in the way of continuing the efforts outside the bedroom. What you say and do in the bedroom will be different than in other venues, but each is equally as important. Think of it as setting the stage for what is to come. While you may be a push button start, it’s not likely she is. So keep that in mind when you’re trying to warm her up for a rendezvous.
Talk dirty to her
Okay, so the title is misleading. Actually, you should just focus on communicating with her. Take the time to communicate your thoughts and feelings with her. You have no idea what a turn on that is for many women. When you meet your wife’s emotional needs and she feels loved, appreciated, and heard, she’s much more likely to meet your physical needs. This is why when the two of you are not connecting on a deeper level it may be hard for her to be receptive to physical intimacy. And when it comes to communicating in the heat of a sexual moment, be careful what you say. Some women are turned off and even offended by dirty talk. There might be certain phrases or names your wife cringes at the sound of. So ask her what she wants to hear and what makes her feel sexy and empowered.
Make her feel sexy
Now, I understand that as a man you are likely a very physical being. And because you so desire your wife, you just can’t help but grab her boobs and butt. That’s fine, but please don’t mistake that for an actual advance. While that may very well be your way of communicating how sexy you think she is, I’m fairly certain she would beg to differ. Consider using your words to boost her confidence. Tell her specifically what you find so appealing about her, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Communicate why you get so turned on by her. This will help her with a perspective shift that I talk more about in Wife’s Guide to Handling a Horny Husband.
Turn up the heat
Step up your game. You know what revs her engine, so turn it up. Think back to when the two of you first met and you just couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. What was it about the way you interacted and connected that made you so passionate about one another? Get back into some of those habits. Being intentional is a key to sustaining a healthy marriage and therefore an active sex life. Maybe take a trip down memory lane together. Ask her what she saw in you. Think about the actions you took to woo her all those years ago.
Work your way into her pants
Actions speak louder than words. So don’t just tell her you want to meet her needs, show her. Familiarize yourself with the Five Love Languages. Maybe take the quiz or read the book together. That would really knock her socks off. You need to truly understand how she most desires to receive love and then put that knowledge into action. Clean the house for her. Buy her a token of your love. Write her a love poem. Hold her hand. Take her for a picnic at the beach. Do whatever it is that will show her you’re listening and you get her.
Rub her the right way
Oh, if you knew the importance of attitude and atmosphere when it comes to intimacy for women. Although many men can have a screaming match followed by make-up sex, not every woman can. Get her in the mood by creating a calm, relaxing, inviting vibe. Smooth talk her. Ask her about her day. And then listen. Really listen. And engage in a conversation with her. Meeting that need for connection on a deeper level is bound to pay off.
Romance the pants right off her
If you’re like many couples, your sexual ritual desperately needs makeover. What I mean by sexual ritual is the routine you’ve settled into just before you make love. Whether it’s putting the kids to bed, waiting for them to finally fall asleep, then getting it on as quickly as possible before you yourselves pass out, or something even more elaborate, I’m sure there’s a lack of romance in the equation. Again, think back to that honeymoon phase of your relationship. What was your sexual ritual like then? How did you romance the pants off her in those days? Reintroduce some of those old habits. Take her on a romantic date, light some candles, put on a seductive playlist, make sure your breath is minty fresh, and take your time warming her up. Moving away from the wham-bam technique will positively reinforce intimacy, increasing the frequency of sex.
Make her see stars
Go above and beyond the norm. From the time you wake up till after your hanky-panky time, really put in extra effort every step of the way to make her feel loved, important, and cared for. When you treat her like the queen she is, in and out of the home, then she’ll want to please you. Maybe plan a little romantic getaway. Even if it’s a local bed and breakfast, or a two night stay on the ocean, taking the time to intentionally reconnect on every level will get the two of you started on a new path. A path even better than when you first fell in love. Your marriage can be better than you’ve ever imagined…if you take the time to breathe new life into it.
Bask in the afterglow of hot sex
Positively reinforce intimacy and avoid making her feel used by continuing the intentionality after you get lucky. Tell her how you felt about the lovemaking, express your love for her, demonstrate gratitude for her meeting your physical need, and give her some space to initiate next time. What you don’t want to do is overwhelm her by expecting it again the same day or even the next day. You want her to feel like she met your need; this will increase her desire to do so again. While you might want sex every day, that might not be realistic for her. So talk about sex together and agree on a frequency that works for both of you. Studies show that every seventy-two hours is best, but be grateful for what she can give. Taking the pressure off unrealistic expectations can go a long way when it comes to intimacy.
That’s all I have for you now. I’d like to say thank you for taking the time to read this article. The fact that you did so says that you’re willing to put in some work to improve your relationship, and that’s a pretty big deal. Good luck in implementing these strategies and remember, consistency is key. Until next time.