Inevitably, disagreements will arise in all relationships. Believing otherwise is not only naïve, but it can also leave you and your partner ill-equipped to handle conflict. If the dynamic of your relationship is particularly hostile and you find arguments tend to be circular (rehashing the same set of issues over and over) and without resolve, then the first rule of thumb is this: if you feel like fighting, don’t.
Find a licensed clinician who specializes in relationship counseling, and air your grievances in the safety of the therapeutic setting. The reasoning behind this is that if you want to change the outcome of the spat, you have to alter the approach you take in navigating the conflict. When time after time the same argument erupts with no agreeable solution in sight, the chances are that one more go-round will not change either party’s perspective.
I encourage couples seeking my help to make a mental note, or even jot down difficulties they experience throughout the week. Rather than confront the situation without the proper skills or attitudes in place, this method allows for a healthy way of managing frustrations in the moment. With this strategy, the possibility for a fight to escalate is minimized and peace is maintained within the home. Leaving the negative topics for therapy allows for an increase in positive feelings and interactions in the time spent together outside of session.
However, if you are a glutton for punishment and you just cannot allow the opportunity to throw down with your spouse escape you, at least agree to fight fair. Here are some rules to keep the gloves on and the pain down:
I hope these pointers have been helpful to you and I wish you the very best in implementing the strategies suggested. If you are currently looking for a licensed marriage therapist to work with, I would be honored to come alongside you during this journey towards change. I look forward to connecting with you soon.
Jennifer